Trauma-Informed
I want to preface this post with the statement that this is only one point of view, that my experience has been lived with a degree of privilege based on my ¨white¨body, my health, and my socioeconomic status, and that I can not speak to every bodies individual experience of trauma.
Trauma work is not my speciality, but I am trauma informed.
What that means is that when I work with women I am trained to recognise trauma reactions and I can bring them back to a place of safety so as not to re-traumatize.
Although I don’t focus on healing trauma, my work is grounded in safety because every body retains imprints of trauma, whether big Trauma or little trauma.
Little t meaning the everyday occurrences that can lead to trauma (crossing boundaries, medical procedures, etc) and big T are the more life shattering events ( rape, death, disaster, etc). There is also collective trauma (genocide, 911, war, etc).
All that being said, I wish to bring simple awareness to trauma. And to say that you don’t have to be a trained trauma therapists to begin the long path to healing your own wounds.
Trauma does not have to be a life sentence. If you have the well-being and are willing to confront it, your trauma can be metabolised and turned into just another piece of who you are.
Trauma happens when your nervous system is not able to complete an adequate response(fight, flight, freeze). Trauma is not imminent in the face of danger/disaster, in fact, the degree of traumatization has everything to do with how your body reacts and NOT with the event itself.
Trauma manifests when anything comes at us too fast, too soon, or too much.
Trauma shows itself in all kinds of symptoms. From extreme spikes in blood pressure, nail biting, and spitting to sexual disorders, depression, and flashbacks.
Here is an example of a healthy nervous system response in my own life:
On my birthday this year I went bungee jumping for the first time. I strapped up, got the safety talk, and stepped onto the ledge. 3,2,1,go. I jumped into nothingness and screamed like my life depended on it. After rebounding and dropping again my line slowly settled and I was left staring into the deep canyon and waiting for the rope to descend that would pull me up. I started shivering. Back on land and away from the ledge I felt heat coming through my chest. I had an urge to jump up and down and I was restless, so I let my body take the lead. I jumped and squatted, shook my hands out, and stretched my arms up high. I moved until my body felt more settled.
Like a preyed upon rabbit who froze to save its life, after the wolf walked by(after I was freed from the harness) I quivered and shook the excess energy from my system to complete the cycle. In short, I came out of freeze.
Unlike humans rabbits don’t have inhibitions. They run when danger arises, they fight when they cant run, and they freeze when all else fails. If they happen to survive the hunt they shiver and shake to come out of the freeze response. Then they move on with their day.
Sometimes it is harder to come out of freeze..
Here is an example in my own life of a nervous system response that was not completed:
When I was with my ex and nearing the end of our relationship I loathed sexual encounters. I created every possible excuse to not have sex or even kiss him. So, he would take what he could get and in the middle of the night as I lay unconscious I would wake up to him inside of me. I would pretend to be dead to the world until he was finished and fall back asleep. And I would hate myself for letting him touch me again and again and again.
The funny thing about trauma is that your body doesn’t know whether the threat is happening in this moment or the past.
With my current partner I would wake up to him touching me and jump out of bed as if I had been burned. Sometimes I would start shivering and sometimes I would feel like bugs were crawling all over my skin.
My body was associating his loving desired touch to my ex’s unwanted touch. I was finally able to complete the cycle when I told him what was happening(bringing awareness to the situation) and when one night I pushed his hand away. I did what I couldn’t do with my ex and I began to heal.
Is it going to be this easy to heal your own wounds? Maybe not but maybe it will be. As long as you bring compassion in with the inquisitive and so long as you stop when your body tells you to stop.
The key with healing trauma is getting to know your body. It is imperative to bring a sense of safety into your life.
And if you, like many women(myself included), were raised not to trust, love, or properly care for your body then there may be a firmly lodged belief that your body is not a safe place.
So start with something small. Start by tuning in everyday to your inner world. Close your eyes and notice how it feels to sit in your womb, your heart, your belly.
See if you can find one pocket in your body that feels safe to be in.
Breathe and explore and when you find that piece of your body that feels safe, anchor to it. Use it to come back to if you begin to feel overwhelmed.
Some bodies are more resilient to trauma than others. That is why 2 people can walk away from the same situation and be in completely different head spaces.
So I will say it again, be gentle with your healing. Don’t rush. Don’t push. Don’t give up hope.
and remember, trauma lives in our bodies. So get to know yours.
Get out of your head and into your body.
Here are some extra resources for any body looking to dive into their own trauma more deeply:
mechanics of trauma- Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine
racialized trauma- My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem
healing trauma- Call of the Wild by Kimberly Ann Johnson
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