Why is it Acceptable for Dudes to Forget Important Dates?
That is a question my partner asked me on my daughters birthday. He was asking because I had just told him both my dad and my brother had not called for her birthday, then I shrugged it off saying,¨they never remember any of the family bdays¨.
That right there is my conditioning, my own familial/patriarchal beliefs I was raised with…Guys just don't remember things like that.
But if that's just the way it is, then what about my partner? he is a dude and yet he remembers all the birthdays and holidays and anniversaries.
and while we are on the subject what about cheating? Is that just acceptable because
its just another thing that guys do. And porn? Is it wrong to feel shame and anger when your husband uses porn to get off instead of you? or is that just what guys do.
The list of whats acceptable because..its just what guys do
forget special occasions
forget that you are able to orgasm too
not clean the house, until you ask, because ¨im waiting for your lead¨ or ¨you didnt ask for help¨ or ¨thats womens work¨
come home late after working at the office all day then shame you for wanting to go out
changing a few diapers, while you have changed millions
fall asleep during sex(or a strip tease)
not cook any meals…ever
gawking at other women, while holding your hand
getting really drunk and cheating on you, then blaming it on the booze
cheating on you, and leaving blatant proof on their phone
two pump chub you while you´re half asleep and call it making love
be aok with a threesome involving another chick..but when you bring up another dude-no fucking way
have a mans cave..where the hell is the womans cave?
be the fun dad, while you are the mean, overbearing, asking for too much mom
So when I really feel into that question of, ¨why is it acceptable for men to forget the important dates¨. I come up with the answer, its not.
It is what men have been raised to believe though, and it is deeply ingrained in our society with ideas and propaganda like..
Tv/movies/books that portray husbands forgetting their anniversary and women being upset
I feel it begins with a young boy being taught to be a strong brave unemotional boy. Being raised with ideas such as
-boys dont cry
-boys dont do sissy things like that
-boys should be playing sports, rough housing, and raising hell
-boys dont feel period. Untouchable
The men that were raised to feel their emotions were valid
and
The men who get teary eyed during Save the Last Dance and dont care that you see
… those are the ones that will remember your birthday.
Because being raised to trust in your emotions and feelings and knowing you are safe expressing them makes you more sensitive to other folks feelings.
Which in turn could create more of a desire to show someone else you care and are thinking of them
with a call on their birthday
an extra attentive frocking
a night off from the kids
anything is possible
If you are looking for guidance in trusting in your emotions and feelings, or maybe you have kids and are wondering how to be that badass feminine feeling role model for them..Lets Chat
