Down The Great Precipice
There are many names for this event. The moment shit hits the fan real hard and you are left spinning on your ass. The dark night of the soul. Collapse of everything you thought you knew in your life. The day things got real. The moment you woke the fu** up.
It is both terribly exciting and scary. For me, it felt like my world was shattering, like I couldn’t please any one, like I was completely alone and in charge of the next big move.
I had been with my baby daddy for 7 years and things were not going well. I was in the midst of YTT (yoga teacher training) and going through a lot of personal development. The deep inner work was beginning to open my eyes to the discontent I had been shoving down..with the help of food, denial, and resentment.
It got so bad that HE threatened to leave me and I was like !what!! there is nothing wrong, I will change, don’t leave me.
Finally after the third threat, countless hours pondering/feeling through wtf was going on, and a night of staring up at the full blood moon(and asking for advice) I finally made the move, packed my belongings, and took my kids to a friends house.
I was scared. I was working part time at a restaurant, had a cat and 2 kids, no family in town, housing was pricey. But no matter how scared I felt I knew this is what I had to do, this is the womxn I had to be.
So, I picked myself up. Then kept on flowing, feeling the new me, and my new life. My good friend graciously allowed me, 2 kids, and a cat to stay for a month while I found a different situation. I found another single mother who needed a roommate, so we lived with her for a couple months. Then one day, hungover from camping and booze, I bought an rv, a travel trailer. And just like that we had a home.
From there we moved around a bunch with our home hooked to my suv. From creepy dudes ranch to friends yards to campground. Finally we landed with a family who took us in as their own, where we stayed for 2 years.
Nearing the end of the 2 year stint I met a man who fell in love with me and my kids. We moved into his house, got a dog, and we continue to have adventures every day.
The point is, the dark night of the soul, or whatever you want to call it is scary. and you might not know what is going to happen next. But you will get through to the other side. Where there is more of your soul shining and more of your brilliance filling this life.
Sometimes you fall into the precipice by your own doing
Sometimes you need to be pushed
But
You gotta fall to pieces to be reborn into who you were always meant to be
and, YOUR dark night will be different than mine
To all the women out there who have had their dark night..I feel your story sister
To all the women out there who have yet to experience their dark night..you got this sister
~The knowing is in the feel of it. If something in your life isn’t feeling quite right, that is exactly the place that needs some attention.
Oh and I fall into different smaller precipices ALL the time. My beliefs are ever shifting, I am ever learning, I continue to grow(albeit not like cancer, more like a river with different seasons)
If any of you gorgeous souls need some assistance getting in touch with those ¨not quite right¨ feels, you can reach me here
