In Sovereignty I Stand
Sovereign
When I say that word I stand a little taller. As in, ¨I am a sovereign woman¨. My heart beats a little faster. I feel more grounded in my truth. But what exactly does it mean?
Me, with my analytical brain must first have a textbook definition. Then, I can compare and contrast with my own felt sense of the word as well as my own lived experience.
Sovereignty, a definition from ole Merriam Webster says
supreme power especially over a body politic
freedom from external control : autonomy
controlling influence
For me, sovereignty is making my own decisions based in my own truth. It is knowing and executing my yes and my no. It is being in contact with my felt sense and trusting in my bodies knowledge.
For me, sovereignty has been a recent addition to my life.
I used to wait for everyone else to make a decision so I could make my own. I was raised in a society that told me my opinions were not worth shit. Sheeple are safer, conforming is natural. I could choose clothes to wear based on what was in style and on store shelves. I was given bra’s to mold my boobs into a specific shape. Showing my nipples meant I was slutty and wearing tight clothes screamed attention whore. I was taught my body wasn’t safe or normal. I had an overwhelming feeling that I was about to get in trouble-For needing to go pee. For speaking too loud. For not being quick enough at a task…
lil side track into trauma- that last one, not being quick enough at a task, I had a very recent moment experiencing. I was at my kids school volunteering. The teacher had asked me to copy, cut, and staple 4 different papers for 48 kindergarteners. As I stood in the work room trying to figure all the printing out, I started to sweat. I kept looking at the time and a feeling of overwhelming anxiety enveloped me. My heart sped up, my breath shortened, and I couldn’t stop looking over my shoulder. I ended up leaving early and not finishing my task. As I sat with the experience, later at home, I realized I had been having a trauma response relating to something that happened early in my life. What that something was I have no idea, no memory of, but the action I took to take myself out of the situation, to in fact flee from the thing, helped to create a completion in the response cycle…ahh the body is so amazing!
Curious to learn more about trauma response? Walking the Tiger by Peter A. Levine, is a great read!
Anyway! Back to sovereignty.
We as women have been conditioned. We have been raised to believe things that may not be true to us. We have been taught ¨the right way to be¨. We have been given the direct path to success- college, good partner, kids, work hard, retire, blah blah blah.
and for some, all these things we have been taught may be true in your body. For others, maybe the choices of house wife or career woman just don’t fit. Maybe age is just a number and not a judgement. Maybe my natural, stretch marked, twice filled with milk, well loved breasts are best left exactly where they are.
Only you will know what is true in your heart. Only you will know your sovereign self. But the fastest track to knowing yourself is quieting the outside voices and illuminating your inner knowing.
If you are in need of a guide to help you on your way to sovereignty, check out my 3 month coaching container here
